Why it is hard to leave my family behind

I once left my wife and daughter by themselves for 2 full days. Left on a Thursday and returned on a Sunday. It was 2 really hard days. On Wednesday, I left for Seattle and I will not return until Monday. This will be 4 full days away from them, plus our son. I will try to enjoy myself. I look forward to seeing them soon. I had a good talk with Heather. I have been just there while she does all the work plus her job plus her schooling. Until she pointed out my issues, I did not see it. I will do more to make her happy and put our little family first before work and play. I know it will be a tough adjustment for me. I k
now it will take a few weeks. I know now I NEED to do this. I will enjoy hanging out in Seattle and I will have fun, but Monday cannot come soon enough.


It took 2 hours 50 minutes…

That will not be my last post ever.

I took a chance last night.  I kept praying I could see my wife and daughter.  I thought I heard a snowplow around 515pm.  I was talking to Heather and walked to the front lobby.  The Best Western FINALLY had a snow removal service out there!!!  I told Heather I was leaving and I would see her tonight.  I RAN to my room and grabbed my stuff and walked at a steady pace to the lobby.  I looked at my vehicle and put my stuff in it.  I said a prayer and started the suv.

The drive…  It was horrible to be nice.  The drive took 2 hours and 50 minutes from start to finish.  I stopped once at Casey’s in Galva for a foot rest and once in Kewanee at Beck’s south for some refreshments.  I got home and was happy and I shed a tear.  I was home and NOTHING would stop me from seeing my wife and daughter.  I tried to open the garage door and realized it was frozen shut.  I was pissed!!! 25 feet away from my girls and the damn door was holding me back.  I said “f” it and went outside and walked around to see Heather and Ava.

When I opened our side door and saw Avalyn smile at me for 15 seconds, I knew it was worth the 2 hours and 50 minutes to see her smile.  I then grabbed Heather and did not let go.  It felt like 5 minutes passed.  They were eating at 820pm and my hunger was gone.  I was hungry to see them.  The next 30 minutes I did not want to be without the girls.

Was it worth the almost 3 hours to get home?  DAMN RIGHT IT WAS!!!  I do not regret anything.   Avalyn’s smile was worth the trip alone.  I have not seen her smile like that in a long time.  In 50 hours, I will be with Heather and Avalyn until Tuesday morning.  I plan on being with the girls 95% of the time.  I will do any thing to stop being the way I was towards the girls.  Ava sat next to me and we watched tv together.  It was very nice of Ava to do that.  Heather, Ava, and I watched TV together and fell asleep in the living room.

Yesterday was February 2nd, 2011.  It was supposed to be a day I hated.  2211 became a day I loved and I WILL NEVER FORGET!!!  It is funny I only ask for help when I am in need and not just to say hi to him.  One day I hope to relearn my beliefs and I hope to teach my family what I learned.

Again, Yesterday was February 2nd, 2011 and it changed my entire life.



This is why.

I used to be the guy who loved being alone or away from my wife for a night or two.  Heather and I used to live in Galesburg, IL and she traveled to Kewanee, IL for work.   On most Friday’s, she would spend the night at her parents house.  I loved those Friday’s cause I would crank up some tunes and be a bachelor for a night.  I felt so awesome and got to watch what I wanted and had my run of the place.  We moved to Kewanee in 2007.  So those days of having free rein on the house were over.  I missed those days the first 2 weeks we moved into our new house.  Then I got over those days.  I loved sleeping next to my wife.  There are many nights I do stay up late, but I love every second I am next to Heather.

In 2009, Heather and I had a beautiful child named Avalyn.  I never thought I would put my girls first.  I even tried not to at first.  My girls became number one in my life.  We never spent any time away from each other until July 2010.  My friend Brian was getting married and we did not feel comfortable leaving Avalyn.  So Heather stayed home and I left on a Thursday to go to Las Vegas.  The first night was horrible.  I was out of shape and just wanted to go to sleep.  I started to really miss them on Friday morning.  I kept thinking I could just leave and it will be ok.  But I fought through until Sunday.  I got back to Kewanee around 3pm and cried when I saw Heather and a sleeping Ava.  I told Heather I would never take a trip without her.

Today is February 2nd, 2011.  I cannot leave Galesburg, IL.  Yesterday, Galesburg got 16+ inches of snow.  Heather said Hughes Auto Sales should shutdown and leave.  I said I would stay and get a hotel room.  One night away from Heather and Ava would not hurt me or would it?  It hurt a lot last night.  I cried when I thought of them.  I kept praying that nothing bad when happen to them.

Again, today in February 2nd, 2011.  I have never felt so helpless.  I am only 40 miles away and I wish I could see both of them.  I would do anything right now to see them.  I have to wait over 24 hours until I see Heather and Avalyn.  I love and miss them so much now.  I am counting down the hours until I get to see them.  Once I get to countdown the minutes, I will start to be happy.  I will be extremely happy when I put a kiss on my wife’s lips and tell her I love her face to face.

I wanted to tell everyone this story.  I have not always been there for my family.  I have been a bad dad.  I am there, but I have selfish and wanted to do things when I wanted to; not when they’re needed to be done.  Like when Ava wants to eat, I want to watch TV.  Heather wants to go to bed at 10pm and I want to stay up and do something else.  I am not going to be selfish towards my girls any more.  I have changed many things since Heather and I have been married in 2005 and I could not be happier.  I now realize how those moments are so special to me.  This Saturday night I will be able to eat dinner with my girls and go to bed early.  I just want to hold Heather and tell her how much I love her and how I will do anything for her.  In fact, I want to do this Thursday and Friday this week and not just on Saturday.  We are both off on Monday and I want to spend the entire day with Heather and Avalyn.

Update: I am going to try and make it home tonight.  I hope this will not be my last blog post ever.